The Sex Talk
Updated: Dec 29, 2018
We have been conditioned to focus on orgasm and explicit sexuality as the expressions of female sexuality, but she is so much more than that. It is a disservice and a misunderstanding to put her in such a tiny box.
For obvious reasons, female sexuality, orgasm, right and wrong, safety and sexual ethics are way up, considering the current cultural and social climate.
Finding our way to healthy and life-giving sexual relationships, or life as a whole, has to do with constitution and the nature of each of our souls and bodies, not some generalized concept of what should be happening with sexuality, what is higher, what is denser, what is best. What is "free" or what is "right."
You're going to be drawn to many different things, each of you, and now that the doors have opened wide in the global world to connection with a wide spectrum of traditions, esoteric practices, and disparate long term beliefs about sexuality, you will be able to find most things, most perspectives strongly represented.
As you turn toward your sexuality with respect and an openness to what is actually true for you, I invite you to consider a few fundamental understandings.
1. No one outside of you knows what you should do with your sexuality, how you should hold it. It is a mystery that rises from the ancient place before time that created life and sustains love and union.
2. Woman in general and the female sexual current and the power that it carries through women has been so vilified, controlled, feared, and misunderstood, for so long, that most traditions, even esoteric ones, even ancient ones, have gaps in their wholeness. Be very cautious about traditions that source from a root that excluded women, or the broader female experience, even if they now include women. Not because men are bad or there is no wisdom there. It just isn't complete. And if you look towards breaks in integrity that come in those traditions they almost invariably center around sexuality and the misuse of sexual charisma or power. These breaks in integrity in such traditions, which I have been part of and witness to for two decades now, are very confusing and can be deeply damaging.
3. You can't really fuck this one up. It's an exploration. Partly because it always is an exploration, partly because we are in a long term process of recovery and redemption that orphaned us from the true and natural holiness of female sexuality (and male sexuality for that matter), the gift of pleasure, the arts of union. If you are going to look outside of yourself for practices, inspiration, ideas, or guidance, please please please keep your eyes wide open for hypocrisy or very subtle power plays that make you feel like you can't trust your natural unfoldment. This is all here for YOU. Not the other way around.
4. Your sexual current is your own and you and only you can cultivate enough intimacy with it to know how it will unfold. Trust. Listen. Follow your pleasure. Learn from your sexuality and your experiences directly. With all practices including the ones in my work, pay attention to the fruits of the practice in you. Are you gathering greater trust and intimacy with yourself and with the One who made and sustains you?
5. If you're concerned about energetic/psychic safety and integrity, just stay with the fundamental vow: I steward this power for the good of all and in harm to none. It's not direct relationship to your sexuality that will bring you the integrity to keep that vow. It's self-knowledge, poise, deep listening, purification of your heart, and wisdom. The sexual current is a force, a nectar, and a substance. The vessel you carry it in will shape its expression and its integrity.
6. If "should" is in your inner conversation with your sexuality in any way, take a pause. There is no external right or wrong here. There is natural law and I believe strongly that if you listen deeply to your sexual current, your capacity for receptivity, marry your sexual power to your heart and your loving, it will not lead you astray.
7. There is nothing evil or dense or inherently untrustworthy in female sexuality, orgasm, or sex. It is beautiful, it is untamed, it is also very very wise. It will bring you to the heart of the matter.....power and vulnerability woven into one thing. This is where I strongly personally diverge from quite a few esoteric and traditional teachings. There is the transcendent face of the Mystery, which can be accessed through inner union, restoration of virginity, conscious celibacy. There is the immanent face of the Mystery which is touched when you touch another, when you pour forth your pleasure in the touch of another, when you receive love deeply into your body and let it take you to your secret places. Both are holy and can bring wonder.
8. Female sexuality is a current that shapes and moves and is life. We have been conditioned to focus on orgasm and explicit sexuality as the expressions of it, but it is so much more than that. It is a disservice and a misunderstanding to put it in such a tiny box. Our sexuality is one of the currents that our destiny rides, and it holds an essence that expresses life, feeling, creation, desire, wholeness, all of it.
These are my thoughts and it's the tip of the iceberg. AND when it comes to your own sexuality, I invite you to consider something. When does talking about it, writing about it, thinking about it become an avoidance of simply listening to it, trusting how it is unfolding in you, and gathering your own wisdom? I encourage you to stay as close as you can to the art of revelation, allowing your radiance, your aliveness, to emerge and illuminate you, to change and grow as it will. Treat it like a mystery of the soul rather than a force to be tamed and "made right" and it will be so.